A Matchmaker's Top Ten Tips for 2010

The past year has been an interesting one. Launching a business during a recession might seem like a crazy idea to some. But I did that - opening my business in 2007, getting it cranking in early 2008, and watching the economy tank ever since. But for many matchmakers, such as myself, it's been a different story.

I've seen my business grow during tough economic times, with that crazy phenomenon being noticed by CNN and other news sources. Why? How? Well, I guess, at the end of the day what people really want is to love and be loved. It's pretty hard to snuggle up with your 401-k, particularly as it is shrinking in front of your eyes.

So, here are my Top 10 Tips for 2010, which I base on a year of learning, watching, observing, listening to feedback, and understanding that, no matter what, love conquers all:

10. It's no fun to eat alone. In fact, a meal enjoyed with someone else is more satisfying, and you will benefit from not only the nutritional value, but the company as well.  Share dinner with someone at least once a week. More often if possible.

9. Know what you're looking for! There's an old saying: "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."  Know exactly what you're looking for in a partner, and be sure your wish list is realistic and achievable.

8. Like attracts like!  Take a close look in the mirror. Are you someone you'd like to go out with? Are you someone that's fun to be around? Do you exert positive energy?  Whatever you're putting out there is what other's are receiving. No one wants to be around a negative person other than - you guessed it - other negative people.  Have you ever noticed that some people have lots of friends, and others have few or none? Why do you think that is? Ask yourself if you're the partner you seek.

7. Have to courage to walk away! Have you ever stayed in a relationship way too long for all the wrong reasons? Do you think you might do that again? Or perhaps you're doing it now??  Well, all I can offer up here is - life is short. Our time on this earth is precious. Remaining in a relationship that is not right for you, or staying because it's easier to stay than to go, is just plain dumb.  It's your life.

6. Soulmates do exist.  Call them what you want - love of your life, life partner - whatever label you choose. Mr. or Ms. Right is out there. You just have to know where and how to look.  And, you must know what you're looking for, which leads us to #5.

5. Where and how?  Of all the millions of people in the world, the millions found in the online dating sites, and the impossible number of singles found in bars, clubs, and the like - what's a searching single to do? You're looking for the needle in the haystack. How do you find him/her?  Start by asking yourself just that.  Remember - like attracts like. So, what are the activities, events, and hobbies you enjoy? Make a list - today. Then, ask yourself, where do people who enjoy these same activities, events, and hobbies go? Research, discover, join, attend. You're on your way.

4. Be open to new things - and people:  Too often our wish list gets in the way. Making a decision whether to meet someone based on a photo or an initial phone conversation is probably not doing either one of you justice. Look for inner qualities and the values that are in alignment with yours. Remember, like attracts like - yes, I keep saying it because it's so important.

3. Use your secret weapon:  YOU! You're a good catch, right? At least, for the right person. Understand what great things you bring to the table. And the relationship! Exude positive energy, a happy persona, a healthy attitude. Unpack your bags. Get rid of any "stuff" you're carrying around with you that could get in the way of a relationship. Do the work! It will pay off.

2. The Beatles said it over and over - All you need is love. Everyone - at least everyone I've met in my years as a matchmaker - wants the same thing. To love and be loved. You must believe it's out there for you, you must have a plan in place to make it happen, and you must set realistic goals for yourself.  If you make only one New Year's Resolution, make it this:  "I will create and stick to a relationship plan for myself in 2010. My plan will be realistic, achievable, and I will outline the steps required to make it happen."  Ask yourself two questions: "How badly do I want it?", and, "What am I willing to do to make it happen?".

1. Here we are to the top, number one Matchmaker Tip for 2010. It's not rocket science. It's not something you have never heard of. And it's not something I made up. It's reality - and it's based on the thousands of singles I've matched, coached, helped, listened to, laughed with, and yes, cried with.  It's also true - true for everyone - including you.  Simple really, but so hard for so many.  Are you ready? Here it is - "YOU HAVE A CHOICE".  You're in charge of you! Choose what's right for you. Choose what's not right for you. Know who you are and what you want. And choose you.

Happy New Year. Live - Laugh - Love.

Love and the Holidays

Every year, at this time, I find myself talking with countless singles who are looking to make changes in the new year. Joining a gym, losing weight, quitting smoking, finding a new and more fulfilling job, and yes, finding a new love are on the top of the list.  This is a time for reflection. As the new year approaches, these things become even more top of mind when we're facing the new year alone.

What are you doing about your life for '10? Do you have ideas for single people who are facing the new year alone (wishing they weren't alone)?

I spoke with a wonderful gentleman the other day who sadly had lost his spouse - the love of his life.  He wants to find someone - and not waste any time doing so - because he knows what true love is and doesn't want to be without it. Another man, single for "way too long" as he put it, also expressed a desire to get moving ahead. "I'm just sick of being alone", he shared. "I have a lot to offer, and I want to be able to enjoy life and love with someone special".

Of course - don't we all. And I don't say that sarcastically. I have met with countless singles who feel the same way. And, at Holiday time - it becomes more pronounced.  My question to you is - what are you doing about it?

Obviously, if you're single,  you're not alone! Almost 50% of the adult population is single, so you're not a silent minority - you're in this with a lot of other people.  And please, do NOT feel sorry for yourself. Know that being single is not a disease, and it is usually temporary if you do the right things.

Try to make plans for the holidays. Even if it means simply attending a networking event, going to your local church or synagogue, or making plans with other single people, make plans! It's not fun to be totally alone, and you don't have to be.  Check out your local meetups (go to meetup.com to learn more) and see if you can find singles groups that are having get togethers.

New Year's Resolutions? Mabye. But if you do nothing else, set some goals for the new year.  Real goals. Perhaps you - or someone you know - has done this! What do you think is realistic? Is it just too much pressure to say, "I will have that special someone by the end of 2010"?? While it may be possible, is it practical to approach it that way?

Your ideas, tips, and stories are always welcome. As a professional matchmaker, my goal is to help single people find that special someone. Is it too hard? Too time consuming? Possible? Let me know!

OnLine Dating - How's That Working for You?

So, it's just another Wednesday here at the "love connection". Phone ringing with inquiries, emails coming in from private clients asking whether or not I have a new match for them. Clients letting me know how last night's date went. People looking for love. But there's a difference between this Wednesday and other Wednesdays. This Wednesday is way different. This Wednesday marks the official launch of my new, super duper improved, one of a kind, unlike-any-other online dating website.

Why, you ask? Why would a matchmaker create an online dating website?

I've heard it all too often. "I couldn't believe it! Not only was the photo he used in his online profile at least 15 years out of date, he was at least 15 pounds heavier in person!" No, actually, make that 35 pounds heavier.  Or, how about this one: "She walked into the restaurant, gave her name to the hostess, and was brought to my table.  Only problem was, it wasn't her. This person standing in front of me full of smiles, anticipation, and overstated enthusiasm was NOT the person I saw online. Not by a long shot." (By the way, this really happened - and if you've done online dating with any regularity, it may have happened to YOU!)

So knowing people lie (sorry, but they do) and post very out of date photos (like when they used to have hair), and make up all kinds of stuff, (like - really, I do, might, could, maybe, someday, sort of might think I maybe kind of sort of want a relationship - someday, just not with you!) I decided to create an online dating website that addresses the top complaints people have about online dating.

I've taken those frustrations, complaints with online dating, lying, misrepresentations, you name it and done something new and exciting. First of all, you get a live, in-person matchmaker to help you with your online dating experience. What a concept! Why don't those first dates turn into second dates? Is my profile OK? Too long? Too short? Should I leave yet another voice mail? He asked for my number - so why didn't he call? Who should pick up the check? I haven't dated in 20 years! Help ....

So yes, you get real help from a real person. Coaching, feedback, help with your profile. You can now proceed with confidence.

But wait! There's more!  How about Identity Verification, Photo Verification, and an Interview with a Matchmaker? All there for you! Not only do we provide those important components, we screen and read each profile prior to posting.  

What do you think? Have you had any online experiences that you'd like to talk about? Anything you do to help screen your potential dates? Maybe you've got tips for others! Let us know. And let us know - How's it working for you?

Dating Over 50 Series Launch!

Well, you heard about it, asked about it, waited for it ... and now it's here! (almost). 

Ann Robbins and Ellen Brandt, have teamed up to form the most dynamic duo the singles world has ever seen. 
Appearing on a frequent basis, this series will combine Ann's wit and wisdom as Florida's most vivacious and popular matchmaker specializing in this age range with Ellen's comedic flair and long-time experience as business editor of a major women's magazine.
These stories, both funny and wise, light-hearted and helpful, will include advice from psychologists and other dating experts familiar with romance among the mature, as well as anecdotes coming from individual daters.
We expect these articles will inspire a considerable amount of commentary and sharing of  best and worst war stories from the romantic battlefield of love-without-training-wheels. 
Spirited discussions and debates are bound to occur, and we hope an on-line community of second- or twentieth! - time-arounders will be established via our series, which will appear concurrently on this blogsite, 
Matchmaking and Dating Advice for Singles and Ellen's site EllenInteractive.

Contributions are requested!  In preparation for the series, we're seeking your contributions to the first few potential topics. While not all comments can be used in these upcoming stories, those that are not may be introduced in the Comments feeds following their publication - so talk to us frankly, with your usual verve and vivacity!  

 

Topic One: Ten things I hate about you: This is a comedic topic with bite!  As an over-50 dater, what are your pet peeves when it comes to  the opposite sex, giving examples from your own recent dating experience. Since this is essentially a humor piece, choose answers that are interesting but funny, concentrating on annoying habits, rather than character flaws.

 

Topic Two:  Should you be frank about . . . ?  People over 50 come with baggage, and in these troubled times, the baggage may be packed more heavily than ever. Suppose you've lost your job? or your fortune? or your house? Suppose you have health problems that are chronic? How frank should an over-50 dater be with a new romantic acquaintance? A more serious attachment? Or someone with whom you think you're about to get very serious?

 

Topic Three: Ways to win over recalcitrant children:  The good news: You've finally found someone who just might turn into "the One."  The bad news: You daughter or son has decided, apparently on first sight, that your potential new mate is unworthy of you and/or simply unacceptable.  What should you do - for that matter, what should your new loved one do - to convince your stubborn offspring their assessment is not the correct one?

 

Topic Four: Can our teen crushes bring us new romance now?   Remember when life was fresh and love was new? What kinds of boys or girls were you attracted to then? The quiet scholar? The class clown? The freckle-faced tomboy? The passionate girl who wrote poetry? As soon as we moved out into the adult world, chances are we put the very idea of a "crush" on hold and moved on to more logical - and possibly boring - criteria for finding a date or a mate.

    But might "going with your gut" and seeking the kind of boy/man or girl/woman who aroused your sensibilities in your youth be just the sort of refreshing change your romantic life needs now?

              

 

Thanks so much for helping us out. We adore you all and look forward to your regular participation in our series.

 

Romantically Yours,

 

Ann and Ellen  

Dating over 50

Watch for upcoming features, ideas, and topics relating to the fun, challenge, and joy of dating over 50! As someone who's been there, done that, I always find it interesting to learn what others are experiencing. Thoughts of course are always welcome!

Matchmaking and the economy

I'm pleased to let everyone know I have been contacted by CNN to do a live interview on cnn.com/live on Wednesday April 15, 2009, at 9:30 AM EST. You can log onto www.cnn.com/live to watch and listen live and even send in questions for discussion. I'm honored and pleased to have such credibility in our industry! Would love to hear your thoughts if you watch. By the way, if you can't watch live, you can log on to the archive anytime!